A lot of people can agree that despite George A. Romero’s most recent movies, he’s a theatrical genius and the proud father of modern day zombie films. As a child, I used to wonder if there was more to the idea behind his films. Did it stem from religious rumors dating back to the birth of voodoo or did he have an encounter with a being that he has convinced us to be a work of fiction? He’s attributed his inspiration to a childhood spent reading DC comics, but what if that’s simply a fabrication to hide the truth? In light of recent events I believe I now know the answer. My loyal readers, Mr. Romero’s ideas must have been inspired, no – based on real life experiences that many claim to have had with the undead.
As buzz circulates through major news networks, which have nothing more than blurry camera footage and pictures of the aftermath of the zombie attack in Arkham, Massachusetts on Saturday, June 26th, I will tell you about my terrifying encounter with the living dead and how I survived it. It was just another beautiful Saturday at the Farmer’s Market. I came expecting to find fresh air and fresh fruit (namely watermelon as I recall having a rather ridiculous craving for it). However by the time it was a quarter to one any hope of that being possible dissipated.
The attack started in several locations throughout the area. Though I can only speak of the attack that took place nearby where I was at the time, which was in-between the BBQ kiosk and a stand where homemade preserves were being sold in jars that would later be used as impromptu weapons. I was staring aimlessly at the goods being offered when suddenly a fight broke out, — or at least that’s what I initially thought it was. However when a large, muscular man attempted to detain the woman that attacked a business man, I realized that something wasn’t right. The Good, seemingly well trained, Samaritan could barely keep her on the ground and more importantly — from biting him.
Truthfully the woman appeared to be overpowering her detainer when a young, unseemly girl stepped up to aid him. I think she, like I, sensed that something was wrong because rather than help the man by trying to aid in the detaining process; she simply slammed her jar of jelly onto the woman’s head. A black, almost oil like substance slowly began to pour out of the woman who twitched a couple of times then promptly stopped moving. As our own scene began to die down, I noticed what was taking place around us. Screams were coming from all directions as people began to flee. Closer to me, several people began to inquire into the woman’s subduing. Statements like, “is she dead” and “murderer” were made before they too fled the area.
It wasn’t long before a majority of the people in the area were gone which made it easier for me to focus on my surroundings. I could hear the large man telling the girl and her friend to run and that he would take the fall for the woman’s possible death. It was a noble gesture but something else had caught my attention by then. It was the group of nearly a dozen rising from the river and slowly approaching our location. My mind tried to rationalize what I was seeing but any hope of doing so vanished as two lovers were eaten and torn apart before my very eyes.
The sight caused me to freeze for a short period of time. It’s something I’m somewhat embarrassed to admit but honestly I wouldn’t want to meet the person who wouldn’t give pause after seeing something of that nature take place. My mind kicked back in as the large man began to charge towards the group of zombies. At first I didn’t understand but then, just before I yelled after him, it hit me. He was going to the aid of a small band of people who were much closer to the living dead than we were. They could have retreated but appeared one woman had entered shock and with the zombies beginning to charge, it was unlikely they’d make it far. So, ignoring my basic instincts, I followed the large man and the unseemly girl into battle. Little did I know her two friends (one I didn’t notice until the battle’s end) weren’t far behind us.
As I gathered around the makeshift barricade with the others I realized that while humanity can be capable of great evil, it can also be capable of great good. Our rag tag group made up of incredibly different people didn’t want to face down the horrors which were steadily approaching us. But when faced with the choice of whether or not we’d leave behind random strangers to a horrible fate, we all sacrificed our safety to do, as our parents always told us to do, the right thing.
The battle itself was a blur. It started with one of the people we came to help running, not to flee but to distract some of our unnatural aggressors, and the large man kicking the makeshift barricade out at what was left of the group seeking nothing more than our demise. Following those two key actions we seized the opportunity presented to us by going on the offensive with what little we had in the way of weapons (I recall a meager looking man holding a 2x4 that was almost as large as him). However all of those actions would have been for not if it weren’t for the arrival of the unseemly girl’s two friends.
Our attacks had proved successful however there was still one very determined creature out for our flesh. It may have been successful if not for the unseemly girl’s smallest, mouse-like, friend who drove a popcorn cart right into it. The sound of the steaming hot butter burning the creature’s skin is something I’ll never forget. It caused me to give pause and nearly vomit. However once again I was driven by the general action of my compatriots to continue forward and strike out against the abominations we were presented with. Shortly thereafter the battle was done with none of our lives lost. In fact, we even managed to gain one as I noticed the return of the well-dressed businessman (who was being aided by the unseemly girl’s other friend at the time). And as if on cue, the emergency services began to finally pour into the area and evacuate it of the remaining civilians.
I don’t know how they’ll excuse what occurred on that fateful Saturday but I can promise you, my loyal readers that I won’t simply allow for this to be pushed under the rug by our Big Brother. In the meantime though, I’ll leave you with these tips should a similar event occur in your area.
1. Prepare for the smell, it will cause you to lose your lunch.
2. Stay in groups, these creatures are stronger than you
3. Obtain a firm, blunt object as soon as possible.
4. Use said blunt object on the center of the zombie’s skull. I noticed they wore some sort of metal casing around the top of their heads, a fact that I find rather troublesome.
5. Stay alert and stay alive.
And with that advice given I must begin to unravel the mystery behind the existence of the living dead. Until next time stay aware and remember…
