Thread for Funnies go here! Index | New Thread | Open | Stick | Delete  Funnies go here! Chatroom Master 6:57am, February 25, 2010 [Edit] [Delete] The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student. The answer by one student was so ‘profound’ that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well : Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. There fore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct….. …leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’ THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+   Gunnar J Lunatri 2:42am, February 26, 2010 [Edit] [Delete] for those who know Scottish Clans well...Warning:Bad Pun Alert A Campbell,MacLeod and a Buchanan walk into a bar wearing their respective tartans. They all belly up and have a few drinks when the bartender walks up to the MacLeod first and swats him with a fly swatter,the bartender apologizes and says 'I'm sorry I thought I saw a monster Bee land on you'. The MacLeod finishes his drink and leaves. The bartender then goes up to the Buchanan and asks him to leave saying 'I'm sorry sir but you'll have to leave,your kilt is causing seizures at table 13' The Buchanan finishes his drink and leaves. Later,the Campbell bellies up and asks where his friends went,the bartender took a look at him pulled out a can opener with a crazed look in his eyes,The Campbell bolts soon the bartender's boss comes out and asks 'wha's wit' 'im?' He answers back. 'I don' know I was just goin' t' op'n m'lunch.' The bartender said holding up a can of Campbell's tomato soup.  Doin' it wrong Chatroom Master 10:02pm, February 26, 2010 [Edit] [Delete]   Baghead 11:44pm, February 26, 2010 [Edit] [Delete] (I post this because it reminds me of our Chatmaster.) (Master Edit: Heh, I'll list which ones I've actually done, which ones friends have done, and which ones I've never seen or heard of being done. *chuckle*) After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target. Dear Mrs. Samuel, Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras. 1.June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking. (Master: Buddy of mine did it with 5 boxes, In Wal-Mart) 2.July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. (Master: Not Guilty. Epic idea, though.) 3.July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. (Master: Replace Tomato Juice with Ketchup, and I've seen it before....) 4.July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. (Master: Not Guilty) 5.August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway. (Master: Buddy of mine did it. Last he checked, they are still there. XD They've been on layaway for several years now...) 6.August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. (Master: I dood it. Once.) 7.August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged. (Master: No thanks, I value my freedom. *LOL* The police here would use that as evidence in a Pedophile case.) 8.August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called. (Master: Buddy did it. Twice. Much to my chagrin. XD) 9.September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. (Master: ....I popped a zit using one once.) 10.September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. (Master: . . . No. Hell No. @_@) 11.October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme. (Master: Yes, but it was the Bond theme, not the MI theme) 12.October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels. (Master: Negative on that) 13.October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' (Master: Once, as a kid. *snicker*) 14.October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' (Master: Not me) And last, but certainly not least: 15.October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out. (Master: Not me, but a young cousin of mine did. Worst part is, he actually DID use the changing room as a toilet. Epic facepalm ensued.) Edited 5:06am, February 27, 2010 by Chatroom Master, moderative.   Gunnar J Lunatri 8:49pm, February 27, 2010 [Edit] [Delete] (points to post above,speaking in a falsetto voice)..I declare this post Epically Funny... XD   Gunnar J Lunatri 1:21am, March 17, 2010 [Edit] [Delete] (in my boredom at work,I came up with this upon thinking of the Bullshit that President Reta...I mean President Bush and Prime Minister Blair put the US and UK through and came up with this...) (Opening up in the White House Oval Office,George Bush is running in a massive Hamster Wheel,Tony Blair is Scribbling something on a paper) Bush:Gee,Tony...what're we gonna do today? Blair:The same thing we do everyday,Georgie...Try to screw up the world! *Theme of Pinky and the Brain begins*   Gunnar J Lunatri 2:26am, March 25, 2010 [Edit] [Delete] http://www.darcomic.org/2006/09/01/cuddlefart/ I just don't know how to get the board to post the comic.   Pack The Cloak 5:09pm, June 04, 2010 [Edit] [Delete] Two boys were sitting in the sandbox, telling each other whose dad was the most awesome. "My dad is a police officer and he can take your dad." The first boy boasted. The second boy smiled and calmly replied "My dad is a mailman and he can take your mom."   Jason Frudnick 3:23am, July 22, 2010 [Edit] [Delete] Fails are freakin' hilarious http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGBcY2IoFSg&videos=9WEluEulCe8 Edited 3:23am, July 22, 2010 by Jason Frudnick, author.   Ric Velasquez 8:36pm, September 05, 2010 [Edit] [Delete] Signature I saw on a Forum Post once: I am Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. I am Luke Skywalker. You ARE my father. Prepare to die. I am Oedipus Rex. I killed my father and married my mother. I want to die.   Pack The Cloak 7:01pm, September 21, 2010 [Edit] [Delete] There was a man who was going to cross the desert, and to do so he needed a ten-gallon camel. However, the camel-seller only had eight-gallon camels left, all the six-gallon ones having already been sold. "That's alright," said the seller. "We'll just brick one." "Brick one?" Asked the man. "What do you mean by that?" "Lke this," said the seller. "We put the camel to drink, and then when you see that he's just finished drinking those eight gallons, we take a pair of bricks and whack his balls between them. Making him suck in the remaining two gallons out of agony."   Chatroom Master 5:12am, December 10, 2010 [Edit] [Delete] http://notalwaysright.com/ 'Nuff Said   Meritia 4:09pm, December 15, 2010 [Edit] [Delete]   Gunnar J Lunatri 9:52pm, March 09, 2011 [Edit] [Delete] A buddy of mine and I were over at his house,just kinda chillin' when we discovered that nothing good was on TV....boredom sets in and this comes out of my buddy's mouth. "This is a test of the emergency boredom system...this is only a test......" *headdesk repeatedly...duration:45 seconds* This concludes the test of the emergency boredom system,had this been an actual emergency,the head desking you have just seen would have been followed by shouting random sentence fragments and lighting of things on fire,thank you for your cooperation" I promptly went for the closest possible video game system.   Toxic 7:34pm, March 18, 2011 [Edit] [Delete] A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says "Don't go starting anything"   Ed 1:06am, April 06, 2011 [Edit] [Delete] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYQ7tL8KkJY   Gunnar J Lunatri 5:42am, April 06, 2011 [Edit] [Delete] http://i155.photobucket.com/albums/s286/punchdesign/funny/wehastrouble.jpg   Morwyn 7:34pm, May 13, 2011 [Edit] [Delete] Disclaimer: I do not mean to offend anyone by it, but the images are really funny XD http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html  moved from another thread Morwyn 1:17pm, November 08, 2011 [Edit] [Delete]  Roll a D6 Sub6:25pm, May 06, 2011[Edit][Delete] After the conversation that was going on in the chat the other day... I just had to post this http://vimeo.com/23248158   Morwyn3:28am, May 09, 2011[Edit][Delete] Oh wow, lol XD this made me happy XD it reminds me of those gamers movies too. I have to say I enjoy this much better than the original song. Edited 1:20pm, November 08, 2011 by Morwyn, author.   Chatroom Master 5:48pm, July 28, 2013 [Edit] [Delete] Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.' The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?' She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.' The defense attorney nearly died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair. Index | New Thread | Open | Stick | Delete