Lilroaminred
9:32pm, December 16, 2003
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It is Christmas Eve and this chap is on a rooftop about to jump off. His
wife is leaving him for another man, he has lost his job and he owes
thousands of pounds to the bank. Just as he finishes his prayers and
closes
his eyes, ready to jump, Father Christmas taps him on the shoulder.
"Are you OK?" asks Father Christmas.
The man explains why he is so miserable and gets ready to jump.
"Stop!" shouts Father Christmas. "It is Christmas, I will grant you
three
wishes to solve your problems on the understanding that you will grant
me a
small favour in return!"
"Would you?" the man replies. "That would be wonderful!!...Thank you,
Thank
you!"
Father Christmas promises him that:
1. You shall go home in 1 hour and your wife will be dressed in her
sexiest underwear, begging for forgiveness and longing for your return,
she
will have no recollection of her new boyfriend.
2. You shall go into work tomorrow, sit at your desk and continue with
your work. Your salary will have increased by 50%. Also, nobody will
have
any recollection of your sacking.
3. You shall go to your bank and you will be ten thousand pounds in
credit, you will have no outstanding bills.
"Oh thank you, thank you!" says the man. "What is it that I can do for
you?"
Father Christmas asks the man to drop his pants and bend over.
After a quite brutal Rogering, which made his eyes water, Father
Christmas
asks the man how old he is.
"36" replies the man.
"Ho, Ho, Ho, You're a bit old to believe in Father Christmas aren't
you!?"
Dear Friends:
I have been watching you very closely to see if
you have been good this year and since you
have, I will be telling my elves to make some
goodies for me to leave under your tree at
Christmas.
I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12
days of Christmas, but we had a little problem.
The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down
with VD from fiddling with the 10 ladies
dancing, the 11 lords leaping have knocked up
the 8 maids a-milking, and the 9 pipers piping
have been arrested for doing weird things to
the 7 swans a-swimming. The 6 geese a-laying,
4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves
and the partridge in a pear tree have me up to
my sled runners in bird shit.
On top of all this Mrs. Claus is going through
menopause, 8 of my reindeer are in heat, the
elves have joined the gay liberation and some
people who can't read a calendar have
scheduled Christmas for the 5th of January.
Maybe next year I will be able to get my shit
together and bring you the things you want.
This year I suggest you get your asses down to
Walmart before everything is gone.
Sincerely,
Santa Claus
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