Thread for jokes Index | New Thread | Reply | Close | Stick | Delete  jokes Edzz 12:32am, July 13, 2006 [Edit] [Delete] Tell a recent joke... I'll go 1st.. A newlywed couple decide that instead of going on an expensive honeymoon, they would get a case of beer and go out to the local lake. As they are sitting out there drinking and having fun, an alien spaceship comes down and a male and female alien get off of the ship. "Do not worry," they said. "We come in peace. We want to party." The newlyweds decide to let them party with them as it would be a great story to tell their children. After a while the male alien asked if it would be okay if he were to take the human woman on his ship and have sex with her. He said that the female alien will stay on the ground and have sex with the human male. The couple agreed to try it out. The woman went onto the ship with the male alien and as they got undressed she noticed that he was not well endowed. She began to giggle. He looked at her and said that she was not to worry. He reached up and tugged on his right ear and his penis grew five inches. He then tugged on his left ear and it expanded an inch and a half in girth. They had sex and then went back down to join the other two. The woman walked up to her husband and he said: "Now honey, don't lie...how was it? She looked at him and said.."I won't lie...it was the best sex I have ever had in my life....how was yours?" He gave her a bewildered look and said..."I don't know...she wouldn't stop tugging on my ears."   Edzz 12:44am, July 13, 2006 [Edit] [Delete] 2 worms live on a golf course. Early one morning while deep underground, one worm says to the other "Hey, I wonder what the weather is up there?" The second replies "I'll go look." So up he goes, headed for the surface. At that very moment, 2 women golfers are walking down to the tee and one says "Gee, I gotta pee badly!" The other says "It's 5AM, nobody's around... go right here." The 1st agrees to do it, mainly because she's right, it is empty. (and obviously it helps this joke) So, just drops her panties, squats and lets it fly... just as the worm breaks through the surface. He looks up and just as he sees her WHOOOOOSH! He's soaked! He heads back underground, completely drenched. Sure enough, he comes upon his pal who looks at him and says "Wow, it's pouring, huh?" The drenched worm replies "Pouring my ass, it's raining so hard that the birds are building their nests upside down!"   Edzz 12:49am, July 13, 2006 [Edit] [Delete] An 85 year old man visits his doctor to get a sperm count. The geezer's given a jar and told to bring back a sample. The next day he returns to the doctor with an empty jar. "What happened?" says the doctor. "Well," the old man starts, "I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left -- nothing. Then she tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called Evelyn, the lady next door, but still nothing." The doctor bursts out, "You asked your neighbor?" "Yep, No matter what we tried we couldn't get that damn jar open."   Edzz 12:50am, July 13, 2006 [Edit] [Delete] CAKE OR BED A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS, ! HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW. HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY, FIX THE LIGHTS NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO. FINE, THEN THE WIFE ASKS, WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT TO WHICH HE REPLIED, FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO FINE, SHE SAYS THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS. HE SAYS, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!! SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS................................... HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED. AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING. AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED. HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED? SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE. HE SAID, SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE? SHE REPLIED, HELLOOOOO.. DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!   Edzz 8:12pm, July 13, 2006 [Edit] [Delete] *crickets chirping* Index | New Thread | Reply | Close | Stick | Delete