Thread for The Joker's Resume

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 The Joker's Birthday Bash
Joker
3:18am, September 06, 2008
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*...Gotham City. Night has just fallen over the city once again. And once again the once powerful and unchallenged criminal underground operates in fear of The Batman. Well, most of it. There is one criminal that still operates unafraid of The Knight. That criminal brings us to a one story home that belongs to a family that’s doing fairly well within the city, better then most who earn honest money at least. Their father runs a small bakery that has a son who’s eightinth birthday just so happens to be today, a widower of a wife who died during childbirth, a real shame it was. A young man made into a single father with no clue as to what to do and a boy without a mother. Anyways, the sound of a dozen or so children around the birthday boy’s age can be heard enjoying the boy’s birthday which is about to reach its big finale, Bozo the Clown.

In fact, if one listens carefully they can catch the end of ‘Happy Birthday’ being sung to, from the sounds of it, Jeff. Upon the songs end Jeff blows the candles out as he wishes for a mom, this is of course followed by cheers. That is when the sound of the doorbell echoes throughout the home and announces the arrival of the clown to the father who jerks his head up. He’s a man in his late thirties whose hair is beginning to gray as he begins the downward hill of his life. He is slightly overweight no doubt due to sampling his own product before he offers it out to the masses that gather for all the fine goods he creates. He quickly pulls himself from his seat, that watched over the playing kids, and moves to the door announcing for the kids to hush and that Bozo has finally arrived. He looks into the peep hole; this is Gotham City after all, to see none other the Bozo the Clown standing at the door, large red nose and all. The father opens the door as he looks back to the kids, specifically his son. And this is where the fun begins.

With the door opened Bozo the Clown enters. Well, he more falls forward into the home onto Jeff’s father who yells out in surprise. He stumbles back as trying to grip hold of Bozo as he looks forward. Bozo isn’t exactly in the best of shape either, clown college really should have some form of boot camp, and nearly threatens Jeff’s father to topple over until he turns to the side and is able to dump Bozo off of him thusly. With nothing in front of him Bozo hits the floor with a rather loud thud, overweight remember? On his stomach Bozo’s back is exposed and reveals a knife sticking out of the small of his back. Whoever did this to Bozo didn’t mean to kill him, oh no, the knife just so happened to be stuck through the clown’s spine which in turn paralyzed him. Though perhaps it was merely a lucky hit by some amateur who can’t even really appreciate what he or she just did to Bozo the Clown who is very much still alive who is probably beginning to wish he was dead. The entrance as well as the appearance of the birthday party’s entertainment causes Jeff’s dad to gasp as well as call upon God and the children to scream. Bozo the Clown alone has had Jeff’s dad’s full attention up until this point now as he looks back to the open doorway at the prompting of…*…

AH HA HA AH! OH! Hehe!


*Enter The Joker. Dressed in that custom purple suit he is trademark to wearing as The Batman is to wearing his suit. Despite the expensive that was probably gone into at one point in time the suit is rather rough looking, it has seen many Gotham nights, and just as disheveled as the rest of perpetual smiling man. From his medium length greasy hair to the very makeup that covers his face. He’s a rather tall skinny individual who stands with his shoulders slightly hunched over the rest of his form*

Why hello there dad.

*The Joker’s actual voice being heard for the first time. It’s odd, perhaps humorous is a better word for it, not very deep in the least. He steps into the house. In his right gloved hand is held a small blade*

I see you’ve met my good friend Bozo here.

*The Joker gestures down towards Bozo on the ground with his right, blade wielding, hand while his left runs through his mess of hair, moving it out of his face. Jeff’s dad quickly attempts to thwart The Joker’s entrance verbally and moving forward. The Joker clicks his tongue*

Ah! Ah! Ah!

*The Joker moves the blade towards Jeff’s dad’s gut*

Be a good host now dad and show us in. You wouldn’t want to be rude now….HMM?

*The Joker’s eyebrows raises and his eyes widen in a questioning manner*

Mmm….Go on then.

*The Joker jerks his head towards deeper into the home*

Don’t worry about ‘ol Bozo down there either. He’s alive but he’s not exactly kickin’ anymore.

*The Joker kicks Bozo then looks to Jeff’s dad and gives him a ‘you see’ look. Jeff’s dad then carefully steps over Bozo and towards the children who are either crying or very silent. The birthday boy himself cries out for his father. The Joker follows Jeff’s dad inside. Instead of stepping over Bozo he steps on him and uses him to leap up a bit into the air then strolls on forward*

Hello children.

*The Joker’s tongue slides out of his mouth and licks his chops as he offers them a small lift of his lips. Behind him half a dozen men wearing clown masks shuffle into the house as well, all wielding guns. Jeff’s dad continues moving toward his son’s side at which The Joker leaps forward a couple of steps*

Not so fast, dad! You sit tight.

*The blade pointed at Jeff’s dad who stops moving*

Now.

*The Joker lowers the blade and looks to the children who some are quite literally shaking in their boots*

...Who’s the birthday boy?

*The only response The Joker gets is further crying from the boys and girls. He looks down, clicking his tongue in his mouth again, then looks up at them all*

Answer me!

*Before Jeff gets the chance to answer a little girl who’s face is covered in her own tears points at Jeff “Jeff is! That’s him!” The Joker bows his head to the girl. The girl is obviously the most well off of the bunch with the finest of clothing, a pretty white dress with pink flowers on it, and just has that attitude about her that only comes with children who have money. A squealer, The Joker gathered from the moment he set eyes upon her*

Thank you, sweetheart.

*The Joker’s raccoon eyes shift to Jeff now who is looking right back at him like a deer looking into a set of headlights*

Happy birthday, Jeffy. How ol--

*And The Joker is cut off by Jeff’s dad growing some spine and yelling out at The Joker, moving forward.

“Don’t you talk to my son! Get out of my house!”


*In response The Joker looks at Jeff’s dad carefully. His eyes squinting in concentration and his head shifting about from side to side as if to get a better angle to see something he didn’t see moments before. That is when he springs forward at Jeff’s dad and knees him square in the groan. The man drops forward against The Joker who grabs hold of him and pushes him away*

Y’You know…

*The Joker begins, gesturing with his hands as if having a regular old conversation*

…You…remind me of…my father.

*The Joker suddenly becomes very serious and his voice much deeper then before. He moves forward towards the still recovering man and grabs hold of him by the face, lifting him upwards to his eyelevel. He brings his blade up and presses it against the man’s cheek but not enough to cut him*

I was about Jeffy’s…

*The Joker’s eyes cant to the side where Jeff is and he jerks his head over there to indicate who he’s talking to. He applies pressure to the pathetically struggling man*

…age when he decided he wanted me to leave, disappear from his life."

*The Joker nods his head*

"You see, my father was a very busy man who try as I might I couldn’t gain his attention away from his drinks. So, I busted into my home one evening, much like tonight…

*The Joker briefly retracts the blade to gesture flamboyantly with his hand to around them*

…And I took blade, like this one, into my mouth like so..

*The Joker slides the blade into Jeff’s dad’s mouth, Jeff cries for his dad but can’t find the strength to move*

…And I…

*The Joker pauses suddenly and looks over at the sobbing Jeff with a blank expression*

"That reminds me!"

*The Joker removes the blade from Jeff’s dad’s mouth and adjusts his clothing a bit before patting his cheek. He looks back to Jeff*

"I have a magic trick I want to….

*The Joker waves his blade about*

…show you."

*The Joker slides his blade away for now. He smoothes back his hair and adjusts his coat in a manner to make himself a little more presentable to put on a show*

"I am going to make your dad."

*The Joker jerks his thumb towards Jeff’s dad as his eyes briefly shift that way*

"Disappear."

*Of course, Jeff isn’t at all pleased to hear about this trick and yells out in protest*

Okay.

*The Joker lifts his head up with a wince*

Shut up.

*Still Jeff continues on*

Shut up!

*Jeff’s dad now tries to sooth his son quiet as best as he can at the moment. Meanwhile The Joker grabs a sawed off shotgun from one of the masked men in the room. He points it at Jeff’s dad*

Gonna be quiet now?

*Jeff’s protests quickly die down into quiet sobbing*

Hmm?

*The Joker lifts his brows up as Jeff’s dad tries to keep it together for the kids* Good. *The Joker clears his throat then tosses the shotgun back to its original owner*

Alright so…

*The Joker points his right index finger at all the little kids and then it finally rests upon Jeff’s dad*

…Let’s begin.

*The Joker extends his jacket out to the side around himself with his left hand while he reaches in with his right*

Watch carefully.

*The Joker looks at all the kids, smacking his lips, and giving them a “watching?” look. He then looks back to Jeff’s dad*

You too, dad. Aaaand….here….we…go!

*And then there’s the sound of a ‘click’ followed by The Joker letting go of his jacket and grabs hold of Jeff’s dad’s shirt. He pulls it out enough to drop a small round object down his shirt*

Whoops! Say goodbye to daddy!

*The Joker quickly rips the closet door behind Jeff’s dad open then shoves the man in who is struggle to get whatever was placed in his shirt out. The Joker quickly slams the door shut and runs away from closet widly with his arms waving about over his head. He dives over and behind the couch just before…Boom!...the grenade in Jeff’s dad’s shirt goes off. The door and part of the wall around the closet are blasted off as well as bits off Jeff’s dad around the room. Two out of six of The Joker’s men get taken out by the blast as well, oh well. More where that came from. The explosion is followed by screams and the further crying as well as Jeff screaming for his dad. Under all of this is The Joker giggling like a school girl*

Hehehe...

*The Joker suddenly jumps up to his feet from behind the couch with his arms extends out to present himself*

Bam! No more daddy. See…

*The Joker points his finger and shakes it at Jeff*…The hard part is making them come back.

That…that is the tricky part of this trick.

*The Joker looks to his left shoulder and raises his brows*

Hmm…

*The Joker picks a piece of Jeff’s dad off his shoulder with his gloved index finger and thumb then allows it to drop to the ground. He dusts himself off then proceeds to hop over the couch he stumbles forward a bit into one of his men who he pushes himself off of. He adjusts his coat again then skips over to Jeff. He retrieves his blade, popping it out, once again from his coat. He tosses it from hand to hand as he approaches the devastated boy. He finally comes to a stop right in front of him and with the blade back in his right hand. He crouches down in front of im*

What’s wrong, Jeffy? Didn’t you like my trick?

*The boy continues to cry*

No? Hehe

*The Joker breaks off into a brief giggling fit*

Hmm…And to think I went through all that trouble with you. Not even a smile or a thank you. Come here!

*The Joker reaches out with his left hand and yanks Jeff up by his collar*

Woo hoo!

*The boy doesn’t even try to fight The Joker he tries continues to cry, looks like The Joker broken him*

Are you sad? Yeeeah…

*Sounding mock in his sympathy for the boy’s situation*

Sshh….shhh….

*The Joker’s attempt to comfort the distressed boy is to slap him across the cheek a few times. Obviously, it doesn’t really do much other then make the boy yelp. The blade in The Joker’s right hand traces up to Jeff’s face and into his mouth. The boy’s resistance picks up a little now but he is after all just a boy and nothing The Joker cannot hold onto*

…Let’s put a smile on that face!

*The Joker cuts into the boy’s mouth and along his cheek to the right causing Jeff to let loose and ear piercing scream though this is drowned out by The Joker*

…AH HA HA HAAH HA! OH! OH!

*The Joker gasps for air as he moves along to the boy’s next cheek and begins to cut in just the same*

HA HA AH HA AAAH!

*By the time The Joker is finished with the boy’s face the boys screams turn into whines as he begins to go into shock and The Joker’s laugh turns into the giggles of a schoolgirl*

There…we…go…

*Struggling to breath from all the laughing*
All better.

*The Joker pats the boy, none too gently, on the head. All around them the screams and cries of the children have grown ten fold since Jeff’s smile was put on. If one ever listens to what The Joker has to say this may have been the age when his own face was carved up. Of course, if anyone lived long enough to be around The Joker often they’d also note that his stories change very often and when put together rarely make a lick of sense. Each one contradicting the next. Upon the final pat of The Boy’s head he grabs hold of his main of blonde hair and lifts the nearly lifeless boy to his feet*

Let’s make you a little more presentable, shall we?

*The Joker drags the boy a short distance to his own cake which his late father just so happened to bake especially for him. A white cake with a black…bat…on it. This causes The Joker to cant his head*

Well, isn’t that…peculiar, hmm Jimmy?...Or was it Jesse? Hehe…

*The Joker shakes his head and shrugs his shoulders*

Y’know, I just can’t keep up with all these names. Oh well, happy birthday…

*The Joker pauses*

…You.

*The Joker slams the boy’s into the cake then back against the chair. The Joker blesses a finger into the smashed bloody mess of a cake and gathers up some icing. He pulls his finger away from the cake and places it into his mouth. His eyes venture up at the ceiling as he muses of the taste*

Hmmm…Not bad.

*The Joker nods his head in agreement with himself*

Compliments to the chief.

*The Joker gestures with his left hand towards the destroyed closet that holds most of what remains of Jeff’s dad. He turns around on his heels to face the rest of the children. Behind him the boy simply stares up at the ceiling, his body shaking. If one looks to the mess that is his face they’ll see his face is covered not only in blood from The Joker’s handy work but also in white icing with the black around his eyes. One might notice that the boy no resembles The Joker in appearance, albeit roughly. One must wonder if it were simple coincidence or all part of The Joker’s plan from the moment he set sight upon the cake*

Well kiddies, I’m afraid that’s it for tonight.

*The Joker drops down besides the little girl who rated Jeff out. He wipes the Jeff’s blood off his blade onto her pretty white dress. The girl nearly tumbles over she is shaking and sobbing so badly. All the children are without a doubt traumatized but other then happy little Jeff over she perhaps seems to be the worse off. He then rises back up. He slides the blade back away inside his coat once again. Hs hand returns from inside the coat with a Joker card. He tosses it onto the battered birthday cake*

There’s my card, tell your friends.

*The Joker offers the children a sickening smile that would alone haunt them for the rest of their years. He then nods to his men who head outside. The Joker then moves after them while retrieving one last item from his coat, a canister. He pulls the pen from it, allowing it to drop to the floor first, and then tosses the canister itself behind him and in the middle of the terrified children. And with that done he walks out the door which is quickly shut by one of the men behind him. As soon as he exits the building the men in masks begins to board up all the exits, trapping the children inside with the gas. The Batman is just going to love this little mess The Joker left for him. Just a little something to gather his attention and let him know that The Joker is here*


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-Enter Harley Quinn-

*Mistah J brutally gave this Bozo a spontaneous treat of a trick right before her sparkling blue eyes and the sight inspired her to move her petite body in an energetically mad sequence of hops and twirls to the tune of the birthday song that could be heard from inside the one-storied house that her grim jester was preparing to invade. Harley Quinn, the Joker’s highly expressive and affectionate partner in crime, stands guard in thigh-high black boots, red and black diamond checkered tights, and a short curve-hugging black long sleeved dress, no doubt one of the many red and black duo custom designed outfits she wears during public outings, with one of his many armed clown-masked followers.*

Off ‘ta play, off ‘ta play, jiggity jig!

*She spins flamboyantly and shuffles her feet, slowing to a stop and releasing a comical sigh of relief as a patrolling police cruiser creeps it’s way up the street towards them. Her frizzy, bleached blond hair in all it’s messy glory doesn’t hide her painted white face, black outlined eyes, and vibrant red lips from the beady eyes of the peering police officers behind the gleaming windshield.*

La-di-da, La-da-di, two swine in a car just fer me, heehee!

*She effortlessly somersaults into the street in front of the slow rolling vehicle carrying the men uniformed in blue and spins to face them, holding up her hand and yelling in a mocking voice as the car comes to a squealing halt inches away from her legs.*

Freeze!

*She drops her jaw and gasps, forcing her knees to tremble uncontrollably while she pretends to chew nervously on her fingernails in an attempt to imitate a recently captured, law-fearing criminal. The car’s gear is shifted into park by the plump badge-toting driver followed by both the recently mentioned officer and his lanky partner emerging from the vehicles, guarding themselves behind open car doors and pistols.*

Oh no! Not the blue, not the blue, whatever shall I do?

*She holds up her gloved hands as if they’re both guns and aims them at the officers, pretending to fire her “guns” at the officers at the exact moment that a loud bang erupts from inside the house. The officers hit the ground and she giggles obnoxiously then aggressively runs around the car to where the plump officer is kissing the ground, kicking hid weapon under the car and drawing out a six-inch blade that had been holstered inside of her boot. The masked clown that had been keeping guard with her quickly shoots the lanky passenger side officer in the face with a shotgun, taking absolutely no joy in the kill. What a shame and a waste that was.*

Welp! Looks like we shoulda whipped your big ol’ ass into shape, porky piggy wiggy, but look on the bright side -

*She listens to the crunching of footsteps as the masked guy approaches her then gestures to the officer, waiting for one of the petty thieves Joker hired to flip the hefty officer over onto his back.*

Tomorrow you’ll be feeding hundreds of hungry cats! Mewr!

*She makes a playful clawing gesture at his face then grabs a handful of his thinning, auburn hair, fiercely shoving the blade above his groin and ripping it towards his sternum.*

And a one! And a two! And a heave! And a ho!

*She sings as she works the knife through his flesh, muscle, organs, and intestines, pulling the knife from his mutilated body and wiping the bloody goo left on the knife off onto a part of the officer’s uniform.*

Don’t you just make a pretty picture?

*She presses a gloved finger into a puddle of his warm, crimson blood and smears a smile across his face then proceeds to draw the outline of a diamond on his forehead.*

Now you do!

*The knife goes back into it’s holster in her boot and she steps over the officer’s body to sit in the driver’s seat, rolling down the automatic windows and pressing buttons until she finds the intercom. Her singing voice booms out over the intercom and into the neighborhood, which comes synchronized with police lights being flickered on and off…*

When the world is full of care and every headline screams despair… When all is rape, starvation, war, and life is vile then there’s a certain thing I do, which I shall pass along to you that’s always guaranteed to make me smile… I go… LOO-OO-OONY! As a light-bulb battered bug, simply LOO-OO-OONY! Sometimes foam and chew the rug… Mistah J, life is swell in a padded cell. It’ll chase those blues away… You can trade your gloom for a rubber room and injections twice a day! Just go… LOO-OO-OONY! Like an acid casualty or a MOO-OO-NIE or a preacher on TV! When the human race wears an anxious face, when the bomb hangs overhead! When your kid turns blue, it won’t worry you.. You can just smile and nod your head! When you’re LOO-OO-OONY! Then you just don’t give a FIG! Man’s so PU-UU-UNY and the universe so BIG! If you hurt inside get certified and if life should treat you bad…. Don’t get EE-EE-EVEN, get MAD!

*She sees a teenager’s reflection in the rearview mirror and looks over her shoulder, greeting him a deadpan yet seemingly friendly way.*

Hi. My name’s Harley Quinn, pleased to meetcha!

*The presence of The Joker outside of the house steals her attention away from the captive behind the grid of metal separating the front and back of the police cruiser.*

Hi Puddin’! Miss me?

*She slides over to the passenger seat to give Joker his rightful place in the driver’s seat, while the other masked lookout runs to help the rest board up the house.*

C’mon, get in, let’s play! Don’tcha wanna rev up your Harley? VROOOM VROOOM!


Edited 3:36am, September 06, 2008 by Joker, author.
 The Joker vs Penguin V1
Joker
3:20am, September 06, 2008
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*..Weapons for sale, eh Penguin? It’s time to cut out the middle man. The Joker has been on the move since his brief but well used time at Jeff’s ninth birthday. And the move just so happens to take him on the road behind the U-Haul truck that holds Penguin’s goods. No, The Joker did not just randomly know that this truck happened to hold goods that this particular consumer wanted. With the fall of the Mafia in Gotham, partly at his own hands, there became a rather large gap in Gotham’s criminal leadership. This is where The Joker, no doubt as well as other freaks like but not that same as himself of course…there can be only one, stepped in for all those willing to join him and of course kill whoever he found that did not particularly enjoy that notation. He found particularly pleasure in dealing with the soldiers who tried to step up and be a big shot of their own. Amateurs. The class of criminals the Mafia families were and some of these soldiers were trying to be are a dying breed in this city with The Batman prowling about. The Joker is more then happy to slam the door on them on the way out. Anyways….where were we. Right, so The Batman and the Penguin’s men weren’t alone in the docks. They were being watched. The Joker has a couple of clowns in placed there to keep an eye on the comings and goings to the place for things The Joker would be interested in. This is one of these times. Sure, they can be offered money and they’ll take it without blinking but when it comes down to it, they just fear The Joker more so then they do anyone else in this God forsaken city. The Joker received the call just about the time he was getting annoyed with Harley’s presence, lucky for her. He promptly stops the vehicle and rounds up his posse sans the two fallen clowns that he halfway made to disappear with Jeff’s daddy. In total there are four men other then the Clown Prince of Crime himself and the dreadful woman at his side. He leaves Harley to the squad car, ridding himself of his annoyance for now, and then joins the goons in the van. He can’t let them have all the fun now, can he? No no, of course not. Even if that were the case one can’t trust another to do something right themselves, especially not this time. The goons are good for muscle and the such to keep all the little boys and girls in line while he deals with matters of interest but otherwise aren’t particularly useful. And they’re off!They’'re two men in the front seats with two in the back while The Joker rests his hands on the backsides of either seat and pokes his form in-between them, all men are armed to a degree. The Joker’s personal weaponry is a bit more extensive as well as personal. His eyes stare wildly at the road before them, searching for that which he hunts. And there it is! The U-Haul as described to him over the phone comes into view as the pass yet another car*

There.

*The Joker points with his right hand. His tongue slithers out of his mouth and licks his dry lips as if he’s a wolf about to come upon its prey. The Joker breaks his gaze from the truck to the driver who he pats on the shoulder none too gently*

Let’s have a little fun.

*The Joker’s never wavering smile grows at that moment into something even more eerie as he looks to the man. He then looks back at his target*

Ram them.

*Vrooooom….WHAM! The van rams into the back of the U-Haul truck, causing The Joker to lurch forward a bit*

WOO HOO OO! AH HA HA AH!

*The Joker bangs his hands against the dashboard*

Again! Again! Again!


*WHAM! The Joker lurches forward again but manages to save himself a face full of dashboard. The U-haul swerves right then left. That’s when the passenger of the H-haul truck opens fire at them. The bullets are mostly strays but one manages to slam through the windshield and into their own passenger’s chest*

Oh ho! Oppsie! Hehe!

*The Joker looks to the dead clown with wide amused eyes*

They want to play! We’ll play!

*The Joker smacks his lips as he turns to the driver again*

Around the side. Make it fast.

*The Joker disappears into the back with the other two clowns. VROOM! VROOM! In the back The Joker is looking over weapons, contemplating which to use. The Joker gloved grip forms over an Uzi. He then moves towards the side door which is opened by one of the clowns. He grabs hold of the railing at the door then leans outside. While their driver moves them into place The Joker closes his eyes letting his tongue hangout and his greasy hair wave about in the wind, much like the beast some would say he is. His eyes open to see the arrival of the drivers window in his view. He swings his arm around in casual manner towards the driver’s window. The driver looks over as The Joker lifts his fingers slightly off the gun to offer him a wave. The man’'s eyes widen and he leans to the side as he prepares the rig for a heavy turn. The Joke’s hand continues on until it’s point down to the front tire and he opens fire. The bullets from the tearing into the tire quickly cause it to give and pop sending the U-haul truck moving at high speed to slam down to the side on its rim. The driver of the U-haul already preparing a hard turn into the van looses complete control and in a matter of a second or two it hits its side and then the air. Quick maneuvering by the van’s driver saves The Joker and the other goons from being taken out as well. The Joker is sent flying back inside the vehicle during the maneuvers. SCREEEECH! The van comes to a halt not far from where the U-haul truck has finally come to a halt. The Joker drops out of van and begins heading towards the wreckage. He knows the two men are still alive, he can hear their pain. The clowns file out behind The Joker, except for the driver who pulls the vehicle up closer to the wrecked and the dead clown he is promptly thrown out of the vehicle. The Joker drops the uzi onto the ground then runs a hand across his greasy hair, moving it about. On its way back down his hand retrieves a switch blade from his coat and pops it open*

Oooh, I wonder where they could be hiding…

*The Joker clicks his tongue as his eyes shift about as if searching anywhere but the truck’s cabin. The Joker’s left hand goes up to his chin which he taps in mock consideration. He stops at the mangled truck’s cabin which he places his hand upon. He then looks down at a groan and his eyes snap around suddenly and then downwards, he looks as if he just solved the case. He bends down and peers through the truck’s windshield to see the beaten and bloodied forms of the two men*

Evening gentlemen.

*The Joker drops them a wink then suddenly lifts up followed by bullets spraying where his head once one*

HAAA! Hehehe….You have jokes, huh? Bad jokes….but I’m feeling charitable…tis the season and al—nowait…

*The Joker pauses*

No, that’s not right. How does it go?

*The Joker looks skyways in contemplation and then there’s more bullet fire that gets dangerously close to his head which snaps him out of it. He looks down with a sigh*

Here I’ll give a lesson. I’ll show ya jokes.

*The Joker’'s foot slams through the driver’s door window and connects with the ex-driver’s head. The man yells out and The Joker crouches down and reaches inside to grab hold of him and then drag him out kicking and screaming! With a final heave he tosses him onto the road. By now the few other cars that have driven along at this hour have been rounded up by the clown who was previously driving the van along with Harley while the other two load the van up to its max capacity. The ex-driver of the U-Haul truck groans on the ground as he begins to stir and reach for the gun that fell from his hand, inches away*

Ah!

*The Joker crouches down and slams the blade down into the man’s outreached hand which causes him to let loose a scream of pain and begins to plead with The Joker to let him live*

…What?

*The Joker leans down towards him and cants his head*

What?...Don’t you want to a lesson on jokes?

*The man quiets down some but the sounds of his pain and some pleading can still be heard. His other hand reaches up to aid impaled twin when it’s met with resistance in the form of The Joker’s heel digging into it. A new found cry produces from him*

You see, it’s all about the punch line. That’s…

*The Joker looks into the man’s eyes*

Is where you have to kill them. Hehe….I’ll show you.

*The Joker removes his heel from the man’s hand and turns away from him. A brief glimmer of hope is given to the man as he considers that he will be left alive to watch his co-pilot suffer a horrible fate. He is, of course, poorly mistaken. The Joker lifts up his left foot and instead of bringing it back down onto the ground he slams it at the base of the man’s private parts, his balls. The force is as much as he can muster with his full weight dropped into it, flailing arms and all. The man’s first scream is blown out of the water. He is instantly straight into tears and in utter agony. The Joker could of sworn he heard a popping sound as he curb stomped the man’s balls. He shifts his heel left then right then lifts it upwards and turns to face the pathetic man before them*

Ah ha, ah ha, ha.

*The Joker’s laugh is deadpan*

You see? I have jokes too. You woke up today a man and now….well now….Well who the hell knows what you are now.

*The Joker shrugs his shoulders simply with his hands extending out at his side and a mock pout*

Sit tight.

*The Joker then turns and moves back to the cabin again. He bends down and peers in through the broken window. The man inside is shaking and looks quite nervous after just simply hearing what his ‘comrade’ went through. The thug’s eyes shift down to the gun just out of his reach then quickly back to The Joker who cants his head with ‘don’t be stupid’. He jerks his head back behind him with a click of his tongue*

Want to join my team?

*The man wastes no time in responding yes franticly*

Mmm….Welcome aboard!

*The Joker disappears from the window and returns to the side of the de-maned…man…He exhales a breath as he crouches down besides him*

Okay, I’m back.

*The Joker’s eyes dart about madly as he fishes for something within his coat*

And now, it’s time to get my message across. Pay close attention now.

*The ex-driver is shaking in pain and in fear of The Joker. He doesn’t try to fight him further, he can’t. The Joker whistles several times until he gets the man’s unfocused eyes to do just that…focus…and up upon Joker. He pulls a card out from his jacket and holds it in-between his index and middle finger. He shows the back then with a slight move of his fingers shows the man the front of the playing card. At about this time the co pilot shuffles quickly past The Joker and to help the clowns unload the rest of the goods that will fit into the van*

…This is for you…

*The Joker’s hand then snaps forward down and across the man’s form. The card slices across the man’s jugular and instead of leaving a simple, yet annoyingly painful, paper cut it leaves a deep and severe gash. The card has razor edging. Blood erupts from the man’s jugular up into the air which causes The Joker’s head to shift back and upwards to the sky*

WOO HA!

*It’s raining blood!*

...Hehehe…to give to your boss.

*The Joker slides the card halfway into the man’s breast pocket so that it may stand out. He pats it in its place. He looks as if he’s about to say something, index finger pointed down at the man, when he looks behind him at the clowns. They’re finished and he needs to get going. He shakes his head and tosses his hand at the man in a ‘nevermind’ gesture*

…Byeee.

*Seeming almost awkward about whatever he was going to do but unable to. He stands and heads off, shoulders slumped slightly over the rest of his form*

Tell him I’ll be in touch!

*The Joker calls over his shoulder as he heads over to the van. The three clowns and now the replacement for the dead forth, the one he killed actually, are all gathered in the van now and waiting on The Joker who peers into the van first*

Mmm...

*The Joker runs his tongue across the entirety of his lips from right to left. Satisfied, he pats the top of the van and nods his head*

…Now we’re talkin’.

*The Joker then moves away from the van, the door closing after his presence is gone, and to the squad car with the awaiting Harley Quinn inside who he is in a more tolerable mood of at the moment. He takes his place in the driver seat and then…away they go!*

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-Enter Harley Quinn-

*That sorry good-for-nothin’ manipulative psychopathic sweetheart always leaves her out of the good stuff! Her arms are tightly crossed over her chest while her trim body slumps in the passenger seat having physically shown her dissatisfaction and loss of humor for being denied an invite by her harlequin of hate.*

Y’know, this stinks. There’s a city full of crime and excitement out there opening her arms up and extending a warm, welcoming invite to all of us certified nuts.

*She kicks her feet up and slams her boots on the dashboard, unleashing a sound from her mouth that can only be described as a growl of frustration.*

BUT NO! Where are you, Harl? Stuck in a car with some stranger and chattering up a storm with yourself! While WHAT? Everybody else plays?

*Her mumbled words fade and she leans her body over the center console, contorting into a position that allows her to stare at the wide-eyed teen. Her pouted painted lips begin to curve upwards as those vacant blue eyes sparkle back to life.*

Don’t frown. He hates that.

*A loud, exaggerated high pitched sigh is exhaled by her as she relaxes heavily against her seat, appearing to have forgotten all about her blue mood.*

My puddin’, he’ll put a smile on your face.

*The sound of hollow clicking can be heard coming from the dashboard as she repetitively kicks the tips of her shoes together.*

I know what you’re thinking. How can someone like me love someone like him? Someone that everybody calls a freak, a homicidal nutcase.

*She chuckles until she’s nearly out of breath, purring out the next sentence.*

It’s a funny thing, you see. The guy just does it for me!

*She slams her palm against the metal grid separating herself from her silent guest, which causes the fool to nervously jump and that sight sends her into a fit of giggles.*

Silence those paranoid thoughts in your head, sunshine. He’ll put you to use until he’s bored then he’ll…

*She rubs her thumb across her neck.*

Krrrkkkk.

*She slams her hand against the grid again and cackles. All of this was in pure fun. She considered it temporary entertainment while Joker plays his own games.*

Don’t worry, he puts the fun in funeral!

*”He’ll do the same to you, you dumb bitch.”

The first response the young man has given her and not a very wise one, it’s as if they didn’t expect for her to be as vile as the next criminal. Her acts were generally to entertain or assist the Joker but sometimes… she makes exceptions. A devious smirk replaces the wide smile she wore on her face seconds ago.*

Y’know, baby…

*She opens the door and steps out, jerking the backdoor closest to her open and attacking the small space inside fearlessly. Her movements are aggressive but her expression shows amusement as she tramples the seat to his spot all the way on the other side.*

They say silence is golden!

*She violently shoves his head towards the glass in an act of pure adrenaline-pumped rage as her other hand rips the blade from it’s holster. His hands push at her body but his defensive movements don’t succeed in protecting his head from thudding against the thick glass. The glass holds up but the smear of blood shows proof of the damage that only one hit left him.*

First warning!

*Her blade slices through the air and makes contact with his hands as he attempts to fight her away, which instantly forces him to pull those flailing, injured limbs back.*

Now then!

*She straddles his legs and shoves her arm against his chest, jabbing the point of her blade into his groin.*

Let’s play a game! I’m the doctor, you’re the patient. Open up wide for me, sugar, say aaaah!

*He refuses to do so and she digs that blade deeper, piercing the jeans that act as his boy’s only protection.*

OPEN WIIIIDE!

*Her arm lifts off his chest long enough for her to backhand him with a clenched fist. If the boy was brave enough, he could sacrifice his genitals and fight her. She isn’t a big girl by any means…*

If you don’t do what your doctor tells you then the bad little boy doesn’t get his lollipop!

*If the boy pleads in any way, she blocks it out completely. Nothing is heard! Every ounce of any bad emotion she’s felt since being left in the squad car has merged together and the result of it has caused this slight break of sanity. Not that she’s ever really been as sane as the average person but close enough and any ounce of sanity she had before was shut off when she entered that backseat. Unfortunately, the boy doesn’t listen to her and she is forced to quickly plunge the knife into his nether regions. The pain upon the sharp metal’s impact causes him to shriek and when his mouth opens just for that reaction, she withdraws her blade and forces it in. Lucky for him he‘s near unconsciousness from the excruciating pain he‘s currently suffering.*

This doesn’t look good at all!

*She shakes her head and clicks her tongue.*

Removal seems to be the only remedy for your disease!

*Her empty hand shoots up to grip his jaw as her opposite hand works the blade against his tongue. In seconds, she has a three inch piece of severed tongue in one hand and a growing smile on her face.*

There, there.

*She crawls off of him and easily forces his body to hunch forward. She isn’t concerned with whether or not he’s going to die in his state of unconsciousness or if he’s going to come to at some point. Doesn’t matter either way, when they dump the squad car then his body will be dumped too! She steps out of the backseat and shuts the door, twirling to the passenger door and hopping inside.*

Loo-oo-oony.

*She hums and shoves the knife back into the holster, quietly shutting her door and wiggling the tongue in the air in front of her face.*

I like to call people names and tell lies. Mm na mm na mm.

*She mocks an abnormally high pitched voice and slaps the rear view mirror in her direction, holding the tongue up near her mouth and shaking it wildly.*

I wanna rock and roll all night and party every day! Blehhhhhhhh!

*She lazily slings the tongue into the driver’s seat and slaps the mirror back into place, whistling happily as she dreamingly gazes at the returning Joker. The chipper tune silences and she greets him enthusiastically when he enters the car.*

Hi Puddin’!

*And she’s back to being bubbly and lucky for her, he seems to tolerate it. For the most part. For… a little bit.*

Edited 3:36am, September 06, 2008 by Joker, author.
 A Night At La Belle's
Joker
3:20am, September 06, 2008
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*...And for tonight’s entertainment… We bring you back a year into the past. .On this fateful July 26th resides the anniversary of one of Gotham’s trust fund elites, the La Belles. The La Belles are a family that has made their wealth from dealing out death devices. Wouldn’t it be just hilarious if the weapons that they create and sell that are used to kill countless people in Gotham alone…were used against them? Well, someone in Gotham does. And so we find ourselves outside the warring city and on the outskirts where the La Belle’s estate resides. Far enough away from all the crime and violence but still within the city limits to call themselves residents, who are these people fooling? They don’t know what it truly means to be a Gotham citizen up in their ivory towers. No no, but they’ll soon be initiated in. La Belle’s wife can be found inside the mansion sitting at the dinning room table which is set with all sorts fancy foods for the two to simply waste and ignore along with two candles to give it a little romance. His wife, a stunning woman in her own right, is dressed to the nines from head to toe. Hair did, jewelry done, dress looking like every penny that was spent on it. Upon closer inspection the candles are halfway spent. It appears the woman has been waiting for some time which leads one to believe that her loving husband, Nathan, has been tied up in the city again. The house staff have been given the night off and all departed to have their own nice nights elsewhere, as one can imagine the mansion is quite lonely at the moment. Just when she considers blowing out the candles and putting everything away, the door bell rings. Her head lifts up and she silently wonders who that could be? Surely if it were Nathan or one of the house staff they would just their keys. She brings her form from her seat and quickly makes her way to the door. The sound of her heeled shoes the only sound filling the mansion other then the distant rumble of thunder and then the rapping of a hand against the rather large door. She announces

“Coming!”

Then quickens her pace until she makes it to the door. Once there she unlocks the door and opens it up. She is met with a figure shrouded in darkness. It appears that the front door’s light is out, more like unscrewed. Her eyes squint at the figure*

Good evening, Mrs. La Belle.

*That odd, humorous if it wasn’t so damn scary sounding, light voice can be heard. The woman blinks then asks

“Can I help you?”

And that’s when the figure steps of the shadows and into the doorway. The light from the home traces over the figure to reveal that trademark purple suit that is tailored just for the ‘mad man’ that wears it. That white face paint is there across his scarred face and that blackness around his wild eyes. The Joker*

Yes, I believe you can.

*The woman screams out in terror at the sight before her. Never in her life would have thought she’d be staring down The Joker right now, in her own home! She tries to slam the door shut but it’s too late for that. The Joker brings his right, gloved, hand up and slams it against the closing door, holding it open. He smacks his lips then runs his tongue out of his mouth and along the side of his face which he cants to the side*

Now now…that isn’t very nice. With all that beauty and money you’d think you would have some manners.

*The woman continues to fight to get the door closed but it’s no use. The Joker finally gives up on the game and pushes the door open fully and steps inside. Behind him two men walk in wearing clown masks, of course. The woman is slowly backing up and about to break off into a run when the two clown’s point their weapons at her, she freezes*

Oh ha ha ah ha.

*A deadpan laugh from the Clown Prince of Crime*

Funny how guns can teach lessons so quickly.

*The Joker’s eyes dart from the mansion’s interior to the girl to one of the shotguns the men hold. He looks back to the woman again then points his index finger back and forth between them*

Do…

*The Joker begins then pauses*

….Do you recognize it?

*The woman’s frightened, nearly crying, features add a confused look upon them as well*

No?

*The Joker has that mock surprised look set about his face as he shifts his gaze to the gun then back to the woman*

You should.

*The Joker steps towards her*

Come here…

*The woman takes a step back away from The Joker before he snags hold of her arm and cheeks. He drags her over towards the nearest clown*

Look at it.

*The woman instead focuses on resisting The Joker’s clutches. His grip tightens upon her and he gets right into her face*

LOOK! AT! IT!

*The woman yelps and nearly jumps out of her skin and piss her pants all at the same time but quickly does as The Joker commands of her*

You see…this is one of the many guns that your husband’s company produces and is used by freaks, like me, to kill people, like you.

*At that point the woman begins pleading as people usually do if they do not get angry…though anger could still come soon enough. His face comes up along side hers so their cheeks are touching. He closes his eyes*

Ssshh…shhh…save your tears for the punch line hehehe…

*The Joker pulls away and even let’s goes of her*

Where was I?

*The Joker looks to one of the thugs with a curious expression, as if he is suppose to know, who shrugs in response*

You don’t know?

*The man shakes his head*

You don’t know?!

*The man replies verbally this time “No Joker”. In response The Joker moves towards him. His right hand takes the shotgun from the man’s grasp while pushing him with the other, this send the man stumbling back against a wall*

Then what good are you?!

*Seeming highly amused by all of this and on the verge of a fit of laughter. He moves the barrel at the man who cries out

“No!”

Just before his insides are filled by the scatter shot. And here it comes….*

…AH! HA! HA! HA! AH!

*The Joker cocks the shotgun then turns to face the other clown and the shaking La Belle*

None at all! OH HE HA!

*The Joker moves back to the woman who is frozen in fear. He grabs her by the arm and drags her along to walk with him, using his free hand; he holds the shotgun at his side*

So you see…

*The Joker seeming to have found his place. Meanwhile the lasting clown begins to go to work around the house doing what he was assigned to do by The Joker at an earlier time*

…Your family is in need of some educating. In what it feels to truly be a member of this city. To know of loss and pain….to suffer and wish you were dead. It’s then that you can finally call yourself a Gotham citizen then, you see?

*The woman doesn’t answer and at the moment The Joker doesn’t care*

It’s going to be a blast.

*The Joker looks over at her then forward at the withering candles and food displayed within the dining room*

…Weeell, isn’t this nice?

*The Joker smacks his lips as he approaches his table and drops the shotgun onto it with the food*

Did you make this for your hubby all on your own?

*Again the woman doesn’t respond and he shakes his head. He takes a piece of chicken and takes a rather large bite from it before dropping it back down onto the table. He speaks with a full mouth, food spraying out*

No no, ‘course not. You imagine you’re much too good for that.

*The Joker then places the woman down at her original seat, did he know? Probably not*

Now here’s the fun part, beautiful.

*The Joker straddles her lap and it’s now that she begins to struggle again. He fights with her using his left hand while his right pulls out one of the many blades that are stored within his pocket, it pops out. His left hand settles up her neck, gripping tight but not too tight so she can’t talk or scream, while his right moves to blade to her face. Needless to say her struggles and verbal lashing out quickly drops in activity*

You’re going to be the tool that I use to teach your husband this joke. It’s going to be hilarious.

*The woman cries and pleads to The Joker as she begins to realize her fate. He gives her a mock concern look with a cant of his face*

What’s wrong? Ya know….

*The Joker moves the blade down towards the woman’s mouth as he lets go of her throat and points at her*

You really should learn to smile more.

*The woman continues to plead for her life but doesn’t move in fear of being carved up, nothing will stop that now however. He gives her an inquisitive look*

I could help you with that. Here…

*The Joker shifts slightly and leans in closer towards here*

I had this wife. Beautiful, like you, who I use to take my pain out on after a show went horrible. You see, I’d have to go….go…stand on the stage and nobody would laugh because I was a loser.

*The Joker runs his tongue across his lips*

So one night I came home and just…lost it! I got this blade and had it in her mouth like this

*The Joker’s eyes drift upwards as he seems to recall the event*

...And then I said…

*The Joker’s eyes settle back down upon her and he speaks very seriously*

…Smile wide.

*And The Joker begins to carve into the woman’s cheek. The pleading stops and the screaming begin. It echoes throughout the empty mansion they are currently in. However, something drowns it out…the horrifying laugh of The Joker*

AH HA! HA! AH! HA! OH HEHE! OH! OH!

*And soon the screaming can’t be heard anymore as The Joker grants her the gift of an everlasting smile. Upon finishing carving the woman up he begins to adjust her appearance. He adds the same style of makeup on her face as there is on his own. From the white, the red, to the black in all of the key places. The entire time the woman is of course alive and making pathetic little sounds in her agony but The Joker pays it no mind. All the while he is ‘singing’ to himself*

LA! LA! LA AL! LA! LA!

*The Joker gives her bloody mess of a cheek a pat then finally rises up from her lap and exits the room. A short time later Nathan La Belle finally arrives home. He was tied up in business in the city and traffic on the way home but he’s finally here. He calls out to his wife, letting her know that he’s home and that he’s sorry he’s late. Only he doesn’t get any response from his lovely wife. He calls out her name a few times before he eventually arrives in the dimly lit dining room. He squints his eyes down long table to his wife and calls her name again followed by “What’s wrong?” Still no answer, though he could of sworn he heard groaning, he moves in closer and that’s when he sees his wife on display at the end of the table. Face carved up in an endless smile and face painted to mimic that of The Joker’s, he head rests back against the chair. He yells out her name and rushes to her side. As one can imagine, he is quite distressed to see his wife in the manner that she is in. He shakes her, which causes her agony filled eyes to shift to him and tries to inquire what’s wrong with her but there’s no verbal response from her. However, there is a verbal response from behind him. The source? None other then The Joker. He steps out of the shadows from the corner of the room*

I gave her a smiley.

*The Joker offers a brief pause so that Nathan can take it all in*

They love smileys.

*Nathan balls his fists up and just as he’s about to charge The Joker…The Joker presses down upon a button to a remote of sorts.

BOOM!

The small bomb placed under the table, previous to La Belle’s arriving, explodes! His wife takes a brunt of the force while Nathan is sent flying out the window behind him and out onto the vast mansion grounds. He hits the ground hard and while not moving isn’t suffering that extensive of injuries say compared to his dead wife. As for The Joker? Upon pressing the button he began walking for the mansion entrance beside the surviving clown. Behind them more explosions kick off even as they are driving away in an unmarked van until the mansion is nearly completely destroyed. And with the explosion? Hundreds…no…thousands of Joker cards flutter down back to the earth around the mansion. Happy anniversary Nathan*

Edited 2:34am, July 27, 2008 by Joker, author.
 Arkham Breakout!
Joker
3:28am, September 06, 2008
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*You better believe she woke up enraged, locked up in her fucking box, and clean. CLEAN! What is this? She has no paint, no colored hair, nothing. She looks like every other nobody in this place but even worse than that? She doesn’t know what happened to her puddin’! She spent all night and all day pacing her room, listening to the guards chat up about The Joker, watching the routine which hadn’t really changed much from when she was an intern at this place. A Styrofoam plate of cold, disgusting slop sits on her stiff, flat bed. She had an idea and she wasn’t totally sure if it’d work but she had to do something. She had to find out if her puddin’ was okay, she knew he was never fond of being treated worse than a caged bird. It was that time of night where the halls were dim and every employee on this shift secretly desired to be at home watching infomercials, eating Oreos, or sleeping. The graveyard shift was always incredibly long and dull! The guard watching through her plated glass wall kept dozing off while snacking on some highly fattening sugary treat and the exhausted nurse that kept strolling down the halls was scheduled to come by real soon, if she timed it right. Tick tock, tick tock. She shoves a wad of cold gag-worthy peas in her mouth and mashes them up, forcing the wad of the nasty food between her lower gum and cheek. She takes a gulp of water into her mouth and splashes a small amount into her face, crawling off her bed and sluggishly dragging herself to the wall all while clutching her stomach and head. The guard doesn’t seem to notice, so she slams her hand against the glass then collapses onto the floor. As soon as she notices the guard has jolted from his sleep, she starts shaking erratically and spewing the mashed peas and water combination from her mouth as she attempts to fake an Oscar worthy seizure right there in her room. The guard panics and calls down to the nurse who was just now rounding the corner, making her aware of the medical emergency. The nurse, although tired and a little bit slow, jogs down to Harley’s room, shoving and twisting a key into the lock then flipping a panel up and pressing a button. The door opens and she rushes to Harley’s body, turning her on the side and tilting her head as she continues to shake and spew that same nasty combination. She needs to act fast, she’s running out of her fake vomit! The nurse turns back to the guard and calls out for him to get the doctor on duty, which was a surprisingly big mistake on her part even if Harley doesn’t appear to be all that frightening. Oh please, oh please! She waits for it and as soon as she hears the lumbering footsteps of the guard racing towards the nurse’s station, she flips over and loops her arm around the nurse’s neck, jerking it roughly until her neck snaps. Such a shame! Harley drops the nurse and hops to her feet, ripping off her clothes as fast as she possibly can then she proceeds to strip the nurse. The nurse’s scrubs gets sloppily thrown on along with the badge and keys then she steps out of her room and sneaks a glance down the hall. It’s clear now but it wouldn’t be long before the guard and the graveyard doctor would be back! Distraction… She runs to the very next room, flipping the panel and shoving the key into it… slamming the button in the process before sliding right up to the next one. Sure, she could be putting herself in danger by releasing a couple of people but freedom is sometimes more enticing than murdering the person that frees you! She repeats this process while counting out loud to sixty, when she hits sixty she takes off down the hall. She released four people from her rooms to distract others and they do cause a distraction, just like herself. Those locked up and awake scream for freedom while those free and now madly running the halls holler and… well, they go crazy. She knew these corridors, every floor, all the safety procedures like the back of her hand. In no less than ninety seconds, she slams into the security office’s door and rips it open, clutching the set of keys tightly behind her back as she exclaims through heavy breaths…*

We have a problem! An emergency!

*Her uniform and badge are the first things the guard sees after nearly shitting his pants from the initial shock of someone “panicked” running into the office. He rises from his chair and before he can ask her the common question of, “What’s the problem?” or pick up his radio, she forcefully jabs the keys into his jugular which may not puncture him enough to kill him but it sure in the hell isn’t a pleasant experience. She doesn’t take a chance on letting him life and foiling her plan though, so while he reacts to her first attack, she snatches his gun from his holster, clicks the safety off which he probably shouldn’t of had on in the first place, and discharges a single bullet into his face. You have to go for the less exciting deaths when you’re rushing your damn ass off! In all honesty, she had this planned out but she doesn’t specifically know how many people are going to be where and when they’ll be there… she just knew if she made the attempt, she’d have to go about it this way. The messy dead guard falls to the ground and she turns to face the security panel, eyeing the options… she knew in procedures if there were ever a natural disaster that threatened the lives of employees or “residents” of this facility, there was a way to automatically override the locks and release everyone except those in the maximum security wing. Her eyes fall on one of the levers and locks… she doesn’t have the time to screw around in here! She did shoot a gun after all and the sound had to have been heard by someone! The set of keys she used as a weapon against the guard didn’t work! She moves back over to the dead guard’s body and digs around for his keys, which doesn’t take her long to find. The question is… which key? She goes through each key individually until one smoothly slides in. That’s what she wanted. The clear panel flips open and she pulls the lever, which sounds an alarm and automatically releases all the locks… except for the locks in the maximum security corridor. That’s her next stop. The sound of the alarm, the sight of the flashing emergency lights in every hallway, and the freedom of many nutcases causes the rapid downward spiral to complete chaos. Armed with a gun in hand, two security badges, and two sets of keys, she slips from the main security office’s door and hauls ass passed wandering, confused patients, inmates along with panicking guards and a few nurses. It had been graveyard shift and all, the staff count was light… A shaggy haired, tall escapee catches her attention as she rounds a corner on her way to the maximum security hall… That couldn’t possibly be her puddin’! They wouldn’t be stupid enough to put them both out of maximum security… She grabs his arm and looks at his face, instantly seeing that indeed it wasn’t him and that particular man looked a little… quirky, like he probably would never be able to tell his ass from his elbow.* Hey, we can get out this way. *She points down the hall and waves her hand.* Come with me! *She weaves in and out of people as gunshots ring out from somewhere not too far off, possibly down on the other end of the hall. The closer you got to the maximum security portion of the hospital, the quieter it got. The sirens were still heard and the lights were still flashing but there wasn’t total chaos occurring, there wasn’t anyone being beaten on the floor and there weren’t people running aimlessly in circles… The door to the wing stood large, intimidating, and locked. A deep breath exhales from her tiny, adrenaline-pumped body as she steps forward, swiping the guard’s badge to unlock the entrance door. It was even quieter in this hall and she’s almost positive that the guys in these rooms probably didn’t suspect a damn thing was going on, just idly hoping. These guys didn’t have open rooms that you could view inside like hers… Each door looked as intimidating as the one she just stepped through and instead of entire walls made of plated glass, there were small rectangular shaped windows, barely big enough to peek into each room… which is good for her because window peeping is what she starts doing next…*


Edited 3:36am, September 06, 2008 by Joker, author.
 Unleash A Little Anarchy!
Joker
3:32am, September 06, 2008
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*Everything is going according to plan…Well, for a certain individual it is but everyone else is about to lose their minds! The poisoned milk formula was shipped out to Gotham City and its neighboring provinces without any incident. This is partially due to the security guard they had on their team who worked for the factory, thus keeping things to appear normal. At least, normal enough so as to not cause any attention until it was far too late. Now several days have passed and it has begun. Countless number of children and elderly people has been rushed to the ER over the course of the day. A few people in-between the two ages have been brought in as well, using and consuming the formula for whatever special condition they have. It hasn’t taken long for the Gotham and the neighboring area’s hospitals to be overwhelmed by the sheer number of people pouring in. It quickly becomes apparent that something is wrong with this entire situation. The hospitals scramble to call in all available physicians to help treat the still gather patients. Also calls go out to fly in more help from organizations that deal with problems such as these. Meanwhile the doctors already at the hospital work to diagnose the problem. It’s not a partially mind boggling poison, Arsenic that is, but everything does take its time. What will take even more time is to figure out how this many people could possibly be poisoned in the same time frame, those sort have been called in as well. Where is the being behind the madness that has fallen over the city? The Joker can be found, though it is doubtful anyone would know he is here, standing at the window of a skyscraper looking down upon Gotham Memorial. Gotham Memorial is not the only hospital in the city but it is by far the most prominent. The skyscraper is home to an insurance company, imagine that. Scattered around the floor he is on are his clown goons doing as they are instructed. The Joker’s dreaded hench wench is without a doubt nearby his person, perhaps locked in a closet to give him some peace and quiet. He honestly can’t remember at the moment and it is not what’s currently on his mind. Raccoon eyes simply bare down upon the hospital as ambulances pile in nonstop along with civilian cars and walk-ins. The arrivals seem to be one after the other, sometimes several together, with no sign of letting up. The bulk of the victims are so young and old that many will not survive the night and it’s likely that many have already passed on. Behind the Joker sits a small, beat up, television that’s playing the news. The current news report catches his ear and gives him cause to peer over his shoulder at it to listen further, which he does. Upon listening for a couple more seconds The Joker turns around to face the television fully so that he may better watch and listen to it.

"Top story tonight in Gotham,"

The newsanchor was rambling,

"The police are looking for clues in a rash of mysterious subway-hijackings last night. It appears, not one, but several Gotham Underground trains simultaneously went out of control on the tracks, taking innocent passengers on a terrifying high-speed merry-go-round through tracks that were cordoned off for maintenance. Investigators claim to have found several sophisticated remote-control devices that were, at some point, planted on all three trains beneath the control booths, interrupting the electronic signals normally given by the conductor. They also say that these devices were programmed to overheat and burn out, leaving precious little evidence of their manufacture. The terrified passengers were found in an abandoned dead-end tunnel by rescue workers after a two-hour search.....In other news-"*

…Hmm…

*The Joker strokes his chin silently in almost a comedic manner with his eyes staring upwards in thought. Somehow he just knows who’s responsible. There are so many madmen with Gotham who could be responsible for this but he knows it’s Kevlar. While he was hoping for a little something more and would have done so much differently, he is no displeased. He decides that it will do. The Joker’s head tilts downwards to eye the television set once again to hear the anchorwoman talking about the “other news”. It appears the news has finally started to cover what’s going on in Gotham City. The Joker’s perpetual smile gets wider,

”Widespread panic has taken over Gotham and neighboring provinces as the hospitals are overwhelmed by sick complaining of... “

*The anchorwoman looks down at her collection of papers then begins to read off of them*

”…’Violent stomach pains, vomiting, sense of dryness and tightness in the throat, and difficulty in speech.’ There are other symptoms but this seems to be the most prevalent ones shown thus far. If you are suffering from these symptoms you should calmly make your way to your nearest hospital. Stay tuned to be updated as emergency medical facilities are opened throughout the city and the surrounding areas. We will be reporting live coverage of any news when we obtain it as the situation develops and more is known.”

That’s it Gotham! Time…to…play! AH! HA! HA! AH!

*The Joker has heard what he wanted to hear and now loses most of his interest in the program. Standing up to his full height of six feet five inches, shoulders hunched over his form, The Joker spins on his heels to bring himself back in front of the window to look down at the hospital. He leaves the television set on upon the desk so that he may continue to listen as he watches where the real action is at! It will not be long before even more flock to the hospitals and break away at their structure further. Even those who have not been affected by the Arsenic poisoning will no doubt be coming to get themselves looked at, panicking. And all the while Gotham’s underbelly will rise up and bring hell down upon this city. However, not only the criminals will be involved in the madness that takes over this city, oh no, but the normal law abiding Joe and Jane citizen. Before this is over he will bring out the freak in every member of this city. This is going to be so much fun. If only the people knew, this is just the beginning of it all. He can’t stop now! On a slightly related note, he or perhaps Harley if he finds himself to wrapped up with other things, there is much to do, will be giving Kevlar a call so that he may join in on the joke*

Edited 3:37am, September 06, 2008 by Joker, author.
 The Joker: No Man's Land.
Joker
4:13am, October 10, 2008
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*Tick, Tock, Tick says the clown clock on the wall. Standing in front of a mirror is a tall lanky individual. A custom tailored suit that fits his body perfectly is what currently covers his pale skin. The suit itself is mainly made up of lavender though there are hints of olive green with white and black in some areas. Pair of hands clothed in black leather move up to his tie and adjusts it to fit nicely* Hmm….*The white painted face cants to the side while in observation of his attire. Red lips press together in idle musing. The red continues further up past his lips and along the disfigurement that runs up his cheeks, the disfigurement that keeps him always smiling. With a blink of raccoon eyes the man starts into motion again. Evidently he is pleased with his appearance thus far. Undoubtedly this is a man of taste. Further more he has a very particular taste. The soft Tap, Tap, Tap can be heard accompanying his movements. The sound is of his finely polished black dress shoes moving against the floor at a steady beat. The beat is cut short however as the man reaches his destination which is the broken in leather chair and the desk that resides before it. The broken in chair holds his lavender across it while the desk holds knives, lots of them. A wide assortment of knives have been gathered and placed neatly upon the cleared desk. The lavender coat is taken off the chair and is slipped onto his slender form. The attention of this individual is then turned to the desk and its contents. The white painted face scrunches up in concentration as he considers each blade very carefully. His right gloved hand moves up to his face and his index finger idly taps at his chin. Several moments pass before the hand moves from his face to slowly reach for a particular switch blade. Just when the knife is about to be taken into his grasp, he halts in his movements then suddenly retracts. Another moment of thought goes by before he reaches out again and actually takes a blade into his hand and slides it into a pocket. This process continues on for some time until all of the blades are off the table and on his person in various locations of his clothing. The soft beat of his feet moving across the hard surface of the office’s flooring can be heard again. Like before, it is cut short. The well dressed clown is once again standing in front of the mirror. The pair of hands rise up again. They take the coat on either side and adjust it with a several good tugs. It looks as if the man actually has shoulders thanks to the coat. His form is slightly hunched over the rest. A single strand of greasy brownish green hair is moved back behind his ear. The final attention to detail complete, the man turns on his heel in a extravagant manner. His other leg that was previously swung out joins its companion at its side. Gloved hands reach up and adjust the coat one last time. Crack says a stiff neck before the soft Tap, Tap, Tap fills the otherwise quiet room. Finished with the room, a quick exit is made into the general hideout. The hideout itself is nothing really eye catching as its contrary owner. The man is evidently on the second floor of a warehouse walking along a catwalk. The Tap, Tap, Tap of his fine dress shoes are amplified upon the new surface. The left gloved hand runs idly across the old metal railing. There are a couple of other rooms on the second floor but none quite as large or well furnished as the one that was just used as a dressing room. Out of the rooms slip thugs of different shapes and sizes, all imposing in their own right. They begin to file in behind the man who is apparently their leader. None of the men are dressed in the manner in which their apparent leader is or even as finely so. There is one thing; however, that unites the men, the clown masks that cover their faces. The lead clown amongst the bunch of them, the Clown Prince of Crime, makes his way steadily down the staircase. Upon reaching the ground level of the modest warehouse his gloved hand returns back to his side. Tap, Tap, Tap his steady pace continues. There is something else however adding onto it. In the distance, from outside of the warehouse, is the sound that can only be called ‘utter chaos’. More and more men continue to gather up behind him. All different in their own right but all wearing the clown masks that set them apart from some typical thug of this city. By now a rather large collection of clowns have gathered up behind. Still the sound of the lead clown’s feet falling across the hard surface can be heard over those of the others. Those raccoon eyes shift about curiously with an amused gaze. The quiet sound of humming can be heard emitting from the Clown Prince as he continues on. With each step it grows louder and louder. The tune is not a copy of anything known. At least, not by those who surround him. What is known as the tune seems quiet…comical…in its nature. The greasy haired head begins to shift ever so slightly to his tune. All but one of the clowns have gathered behind their leader. That man stands just before the exit of the warehouse. He is waiting with a sawed off shotgun held in his hand. His leader lifts up his right leather clothed hand up. That is all that needed to be signaled. First, a button is pressed and the loud sound of the warehouse’s heavy door being lifted up fills the building. It is now that the Tap, Tap, Tap is finally drowned out completely. Job one completed the clown then offers up the sawed off shot gun to the approaching head clown. He does not take a break in his step. Instead, he simply grabs hold of the shotgun as he passes by. He tosses it into the air for a brief second. It falls back into his gasp held by the stock. The weapon is placed in an automatic resting position against his shoulder. At last the final destination is reached, the open exit. He steps out of the warehouse and continues on to the end of the sidewalk where he pauses. Finally his movements have ceased. This is the first time since he first left his office. Those raccoon eyes drift down to the small gap between the sidewalk and the road. A moment of contemplation is had with his head still moving left to right at his own tune when comes to a slow close. Silent, he takes a deep breath then jumps off the sidewalk onto the road just before it. As if he just took a big leap. The breath is exhaled and his shoulders shrug down a bit, more so then before. The sawed off shotgun taps against his shoulder while he begins to rock upon his feet. He looks around at his surrounds. All around him is the chaos that has already taken control over The Narrows. It is beautiful. Who could have thought that this would be the result of his and Harley’s act of ‘love’, who is likely standing at his side at this point, that took place just the previous night? It would seem the world is beginning to understand just how much of a joke life truly is. This is a last desperate act before madness takes hold. The sounds of screaming, violence, terror….all of it…are like music to his ears. His red lips twitch upwards causing his perpetual smile to grow*

Heh.


*The man peers back at the gathering of clowns behind him. His lips part and for the first time he speaks. That odd, comical yet frightening to countless numbers of people dead and alive, voice sounding out*

Let’s have a laugh, boys.

*This is the Joker and the No Man’s Land shall be his in its entirety and then they’ll spill out upon the rest of Gotham like a chaotic plague*


Edited 4:14am, October 10, 2008 by Joker, author.
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