Flying Green Squirrel
7:44pm, September 24, 2002
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[Delete] | Welcome to Radio Free Mars! Your underground source for news! No commercials, no boy bands, just an interupted feed with the news that matters to you!
In local news, the recent plagues that have been...uh....plauging the city are still occuring. We have no idea of when all these bad omens will let up so we´ll let you know as we get more info.
Speaking of plagues, the price of imported water is skyrocketing up to 75% of it´s original price. I think it would be higher if it wasn´t for the planetary alcohol problem....
Dragons have been cited over various cities on Tatooine, some being recorded as large as medium sized freighters. So far, there have been no reports of these dragons harming cities so authorities urge you not to provoke them.
Terroristic Acts have decreased in the last few days. Either they´re smarting up or this current situation has been the only thing to put fear in a terrorist...how ironic...
The suicide rate among the Jawa population is slowly increasing. Apparently, constant bleeding is interfering with their way of life. Damn....we might have to hire some new scrap collectors, huh?
Now onto galactic news. The Shinra Corporate Sector has just placed a 9% tax on all imports comming into the SCS. This will not effect Tatooine, just business that wish to take their goods into their sector....like anyone would really want to go there....
*Flips through some pages.* Finally! We have some good news! Mrs Qual Aun Tska has just turned the ripe old age of five hundred! Congratulations! *Gets handed another paper.* This just in...Qual Aun Tska was murdered in a drive by shooting in the industrial sector of town......This is Flying Green Squirrel, now realizing why we drink so much.....
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